Feeling: Tired
Listening to: TV in the background.
Tasting: Nothing

You know, I hate that I whine so much whenever I post blogs. But on the other hand, reading my blogs is a completely voluntary activity, so I think that I have the right to whine as much as I want to. Those who don't want to listen to my whining don't have to read the blogs. Okay, it's settled. I feel better.

I should be doing stuff now, but, of course, I'm not. I'm finished with my "official" homework for the day, and I'm disregarding the other stuff I have to do, like psychology outlines and midyear school reports and financial aid forms and my Stony Brook application and studying for my math test. Instead, here I am, doing nothing.

And my parents keep telling me to look for scholarships... I'm really not enjoying this whole responsiblity stuff. It's just not fun. I want to be little and have my parents in charge of everything so I could have no worries larger than which game I should play or which book I should read.

But we grow up, and there's all this responsibility, and parents expect a lot more than they did before, and I'm not used to it. I want to be little again, and it's not helping that my birthday's on Thursday and that my parents keep reminding me that I have all these resposibilities. It also doesn't help that I got a bad grade on my psychology test-- second bad psychology test grade in a row-- and that makes me feel really bad. Bad and lazy, because I really have no one to blame but myself, and I know that it's completely my fault. Which doesn't help matters.

This stuff depresses me. I don't know what "stuff", exactly-- maybe it's the tests, or maybe it's the homework, or maybe it's the lack of sleep, or maybe it's the ton of sweaters that are lying on the back of this chair and are making my head really uncomfortable. I don't know. But whatever it is, I desperately need this term to be over.. Or, even better, for it to be mid-April, when I already know what colleges I've gotten into, and when it's just about time for spring break.

On the other hand, it's really sad that we always look forward to things that are going to happen later on. When was the last time anyone said "this moment in time is nice. I'm going to enjoy it."? No one. Everyone's always rushing, always looking forward, always waiting anxiously for the next day or next week or next month or next year, for that great party or for their tests to be over or for their birthday or their vacation or their raise or a certain movie to come out... and we've all pretty much stopped appreciating what's going on now. And it's sad, because life starts passing us by really quickly, and we don't notice it because we're always looking forward to the future, always looking forward to what will happen then and forgetting about what's happening now.

... And I think it's enough depressing reflective stuff for the day. I'll write later!

Please email.

Natalie